So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
