Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
