Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
