playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
