He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
