if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This girl is more easily done than said...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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