so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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