hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
