i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
