I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
