Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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