I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
