just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
