he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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