Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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