i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
