I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
