if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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