I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
