I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
