just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
