Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
