I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
