I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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