I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
