the condom got lost in my hair
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
