I'm going to rape someone's good day.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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