Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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