found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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