Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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