Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
