drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
