A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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