My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
