I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
