Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
