here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
