Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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