she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
