somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
