I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
