dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
foreskin is a definite game changer
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
