I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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