cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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