If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
