I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
