Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize