Dude my mom stole all your condoms
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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