the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
