You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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