You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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