dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My cat gives me a boner
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
