I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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