so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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