Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
