He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
