Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
