My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
