it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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