At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
