so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
accomplished twins. life is a go
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
