he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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