What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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