I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
