im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
