just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
