yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
