forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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