i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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